Unelected Dogcatchers

“Gentlesophs of the Plurality, on behalf of the Bandal Home/Care Provision Citizen Oversight Group, we move that our statement of intent, critical path, budget and disbursals as modified in our attachment for estimated population variance be accepted as read, being invariant from our presentation of the last fiscal year.”

“We have a single addendum to make, in response to a question-tree forwarded to us on behalf of the Assertive Benevolence Association, which wishes us to define, by way of justification of our proposal and the expenditure of social money contributions on our intent, the concrete benefits provided to the Imperial citizen-shareholder by our COG.”

“It is tempting to merely reply that we do not acknowledge that anyone who does not consider our primary argument, presented in terms of one’s proper moral obligations to one’s dependent creations, sufficient justification in itself has standing or stature enough to question anyone else’s motivations.”

“But if one insists on a pragmatic reason for our care for and rehoming of stray bandal, consider that your typical watchhound these days has diamond teeth that can shear through light armor, fur with the same sort of protective characteristics as an arachnoweave vest, and can leap twenty feet in the air from a standing start, all of which traits breed true.  We stipulate that the absence of a large feral population of such capable animals is an obvious external benefit of our work.”

“This tree then asks the secondary question: why does this argument not apply equally to people?”

“The answer here is simple. Sophs can’t revert to a wild state.  By definition, they’ve got ethical competence, so if one starts acting in an uncivilized manner, that’s criminal, not feral.  There are other instrumentalities to deal with that, with which the Empire is amply supplied, in both the public and private realms.”

“This concludes our proposal to the Plurality.”

– from the Plurality opening session, 3411

A Factual Opinion

Senator Glandyth Muetry-ith-Muetry (Imperium Bellipotent – 13th): “…let the record show therefore, gentlesophs, that my honorable colleague is an immitigable ass.  Furthermore –”

The colleague in question, Senator Arvenix Quendocius-ith-Quendocius (Assertive Benevolence – 142nd), moved to object, but was preempted by the President of the Senate.

President of the Senate: “Senator Muetry-ith-Muetry, I must ask you to withdraw that unparliamentary remark.”

Senator Glandyth Muetry-ith-Muetry: “On a point of order, Mr. President, I claim privilege for that remark under section XIV.4 of the Senate Rules, which states that true statements on matters of fact are always admissible.”

President of the Senate: “I do not see the applicability, Senator Muetry.”

Senator Glandyth Muetry-ith-Muetry: “If I may draw your and my honorable colleagues’ attention to the board, these are the reputation network scores of my honorable colleague, Senator Quendocius-ith-Quendocius.  As can clearly be seen from the ninth-percentile score in the Capital Consciousness rep score and the sixth-percentile score in the amalgamated courtesy rep score, my honorable colleague is clearly considered an ass by those citizen-shareholders with whom he has interacted recently – as a matter of recorded fact.”

“I withdraw, however, the ‘immitigable’, since I am unable to demonstrate it to the required degree, and for that I apologize to my honorable colleague.”

Various Senators rose and cheered; or rose and cried shame.

– Proceedings of the Senate, two years after the mainstream release of rep-net technology