From today’s utterly-non-canon-but-it-got-stuck-in-my-head department of advertising snippets:

The myrmidonic carbonizer. It’s the top of our range.

The myrmidonic carbonizer. Erodes muon metals in seconds.

The myrmidonic carbonizer. For when you absolutely, positively need to split quarkonium.

Our critics have accused our research department of being questionably sane. Well, we showed them. We showed them all.

Our critics have also claimed the myrmidonic carbonizer is spectacularly dangerous overkill for any ordinary circumstances.

We agree. But we didn’t build the myrmidonic carbonizer for ordinary circumstances. We built it for “What has that psychotic asshole done now?” circumstances.

The myrmidonic carbonizer. Built by Mad Science ™, for use on Mad Science (not tm).

Also considered as a slogan:

If God’s Not Dead, You Weren’t Using A Myrmidonic Carbonizer.