“Greetings, Citizen Asamis! You have reached the voice communications service of Bora Phylarius. Unfortunately, my principal is off-world at the moment and cannot be reached by real-time dataweave services.

“If you are calling about a non-urgent matter, a message may be forwarded using non-real-time services. Current estimated time until receipt, including light-lag, is one day, five hours, twenty-seven minutes.

“If your call is urgent, you may escalate to a real-time communication over tangle channel. Please note that full tangle service charges will apply. Be aware that frivolous-communication surcharges may be applied at my principal’s discretion to unwanted communications directed over either of these channels.

“For matters relating to the Epiphani Initiative, designated representatives of the Initiative are available to handle matters on my principal’s behalf; likewise, domestic matters may be addressed to my principal’s home directly.”

“Alternatively, you may speak to a proxy emulation/partial derivative of my principal, which has limited authority to speak on his behalf and may, if necessary, refer you upwards.

“How may I be of assistance?”