…With Justice For All

SYSTEMIC INTEGRATED TECHNOLOGIES TICKET-TRACKING: CASE 921632

From: Supervisor of Police, Behibehin Rock
Mail Subject: HELP US NOW YOUR SYSTEM LOCKED EVERYONE UP AND WE CANT FIX IT WHAT THE —

Subject: Assent-Panopticon Ubiquitous Law Enforcement Instrumentality (all components)
Version: 3.4.0.49120
Issue: Stupidity (was: System imprisoned entire population in error)
Priority: Urgent

Resolution: WILL NOT FIX – WORKING AS DESIGNED/SPECIAL

Notes:

Does no-one read the gorramn manual?

The Behibehinti have become another entry in our list of customers who failed to read the warnings in sections 3.7, 3.8, and 3.9 concerning the need to lint your legislation before activating it, because the Assent-Panopticon ULEI has no way of knowing when you intended parts of it to be obsolete, symbolic, or selectively enforced. That said, managing to get the entire population, including the governance – although that latter is surprisingly common – jailed and awaiting trial before the now-inelegible-to-serve judiciary when the system was enabled is perhaps a new low in this particular failure mode.

Although this is closed WONTFIX, as per company policy we have dispatched a service engineer with the override code and a customer service lawyer with copies of sections 3.7, 3.8, 3.9, and the service agreement to free the customer and otherwise clean up the mess.

On the bright side, I won a week at the High Cysperia Luxurium in the departmental betting pool.

 

5 thoughts on “…With Justice For All

      • The Golden Ass, by Apuleis. Really, really old piece of satire about a man who experiments with magic and accidentally turns himself into a donkey.

        Take a closer look at the acronym “Assent-Panopticon ULEI” fully condenses to, then maybe tack an extra “S” on there for “System” or something. Even if accidental, it seems quite apropos in this situation.

        Like

  1. As a developer, I can feel this guy’s pain. Still, that’s what the manual and documents are there for. We don’t write them just for the fun of it, because creating and maintaining documentation, while essential, isn’t fun. It’s a chore.

    Also reminds me of how screwy the legal system in general is. Great piece. I chuckled a good bit. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Another thought that occurs to me: It must be absolutely painful in those situations where the laws contradict themselves. (i.e. One statute says “Activity x is illegal” while another statute of equal weight says “Enforcing the prohibitions against activity x is illegal,” and other such messes.)

    Like

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