The Truth Is In Here

Alistair Young

Feb 28, 2019 — 1 min read

True Tales of the Worlds: Recently selected as the Least Truthful Newsbytes for the 69th year in succession, True Tales of the Worlds is the Associated Worlds’ longest-running comedic-speculation journal, memetic experiment, and/or example of untreated delusions. Having recently turned 4,000, we present here a selection of recent headlines, all of which, we feel, live up to the standard set by the front-page story of their first ever issue, “Holy Shit, Planets Actually Spherical”.

Alleged Leytra Star Just a Blue-White Hallucination
Three-Ended Wormhole Discovered: Duplicates Expedition
Dropped Comet Made of Cheese: Colonists Surprised, But Surprisingly Delicious
Every Star Nation Secretly Ruled by Lizard People (Except the Empire of the Lizard People)
Empire of the Lizard People Secretly Ruled by Different Lizard People
Transportation Cartel Cover-Up – Galaxy Only Twelve Million Miles Across!
Many-Colored Shooting Stars Expected After Explosion of Candy Freighter
Universe Not Hollow, Claims Scientist, And We Live On The Outside
Giant Space Yeast Found In Beer Nebula
Giant Space Yeast More Awesome Than Giant Space Amoeba, Scientists Agree
Panspermia: Space Currents or Self-Pleasuring Deity? Very-Large-Baseline Images You Won’t Believe!
Conclave Votes To Raise Luminal Limit
Let My People Go, Ring Dynamics!: Interview With a Giant Space Worm
Lord Blackfall Converting Sun To Private Hyperyacht, Threatens ‘Global Warming’
Precursor Artifact Found in Public ‘Fresher: Scientists Now Searching For ‘Hyperspace Poop Moon’
Sen Shari Demands Hope Hegemony Dye ‘Eyesore’ Nebula
League Treasury Buys Three-Ended Wormhole, Pays Half Price
Plans to Soft-Land Moon of Sedria in Original Location Move Forward, Citing Benefits to Science, Tourism
Vordon’s Empty: “Detuned Heterodynes” Hire All The Mercenaries As Roadies For Upcoming Galactic Tour
Eye-of-Night Spontaneously Emits Mint ’53 Atomo: Science Team Takes Rocket Ride
Mermaids Make First Contact, Protest Moon-Landing Plans
Eels! Why?

If you are currently asking yourself why, consider the True Tales‘ never-changed masthead:

“The Truth Shall Enrich”

– A Star Travelers’ Dictionary

True Tales of the Worlds, newsies, A Star Traveler's Dictionary

← Why Did I Do That? | Cultural Crossovers #14: Doctor Strange →

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