Cultural Crossovers #16: Spider-Man: Homecoming

Does whatever a spider can…

• Guess we’re going to have to assume some sort of introductory foo, here. Otherwise no-one’ll know who Spider-Man is, in medias res and all. Apart from what we saw in Civil War.
• Well, lady, you just lost all our sympathy. You don’t stiff someone on a contract.
• Yeah, those are some pretty nice things.
• Ah, quick recap.
• Nice self-awareness there, Tony.
• Yeah, waiting on the call sure does suck.
• Seriously, a dick pun is the best you can do?
• You need some sort of changing room. Really.
• Also, more work, maybe.
• Nice toys, boys. We can’t exactly approve of what y’all opening guys are doing, but still, you don’t stiff people on contracts.
• Man, you broke the Death Star.
• LARB.
• Free pudding, yay! Hopefully not made from larb.
• Although those would all be really cool powers. And they’re good questions. Should work on those.
• Okay, how did they get Cap to make those videos?
• Ah, the perks of Avenger-hood.
• Okay, score one for the stunner-fist.
• Oh, your boss is not going to be happy you lost that.
• Your power-set is really very poorly adapted to suburbia.
• Nice parachute feature. Needs some beta-testing.
• Ooh, remote-control suits. Nice.
• Also nice reference. Shame no-one has the background knowledge to get it.
• “The Shocker”? Well, I suppose it’s slightly better than Taserface…
• Seriously, you’ve got to remember which gun is which.
• I applaud your lair-logic.
• So, what do strontium, barium, and vibranium have in common?
• “Training Wheels Protocol”? Seriously, Tony, that’s a name that almost demands that someone turn it off, and you had to know that Peter’d go looking. Maybe “Prevent Your Head From Exploding Protocol; Do Not Disable”? At least then he’d have to read the code first.
• Really, ammo selection should be her job, or what’s a suit AI for?
• I’ll take one of those portable doors.
• At least it’s not a radioactive energy core.
• Dear lift-lady: Less reassurance, more action.
• Now that’s an awesome drone.
• Someone throw that guy out of the elevator and let the reasonable people be rescued.
• Well, that kinda-sorta worked.
• “Man-Spider”? Come on, guys, get it together.
• Seriously, WHO GOT CAP TO MAKE THESE VIDEOS?
• …these protocol names really aren’t getting any better.
• And seriously, Peter, get Karen to read you the instructions first.
• Okay, someone needs to have a word or two with you about collateral budgets.
• And, oh yeah, how even not fancy space guns can fire through wrapping.
• …so close.
• Ooh, a swarm of shovebots. We like.
• Desperation. It’s a hell of a drug.
• Man, harsh. Although it’s not like Tony doesn’t have a good point. Several of them. From experience.
• Ah, young love. At least you’re getting good advice on this one.
• …oh, my. This will work out badly.
• Although credit to him, offering a life for a life.
• At least he didn’t ask for your pants, dude.
• Glad someone’s having a good time. In the chair.
• Although Peter is definitely right that y’all should do more listening.
• Is that self-repairing? I don’t think that’s self-repairing.
• Good strategy. Much overkill. Smart. Not good enough, certainly, but still smart.
• And there it is. (We were noticing your heroic quality all along. Glad you caught up with us.)
• Pretty sure ‘retroreflector’ is not the term, there.
• Is that really a case of arc reactors?
• You can’t believe that worked?
• …now that. Damn. That was an awesome landing.
• It’s over. You know it, you know there’s nothing to be gained, and you’ve been an honorable enemy thus far. Don’t —
• — do that.
• Nice note.
• Yeah, you’ve got to secure the bathroom first.
• No, that may be your worst analogy ever, and it’s up against some damn stiff competition.
• ..we hope you’re going to give him Karen back. They were really bonding.
• Awwww. We’re all so happy for you crazy kids.
• Ah, you did! Excellent.
• Oops. (And, man, are we going to be disappointed not to see how that conversation ended before we see Spider-Man again in Infinity War.)
• Well done, sir.
• …you’re just trolling us now, aren’t you?