Cultural Crossovers #17: Thor: Ragnarok

In which there is an apocalypse.

• Man, that’s a lot of chains.
• Well, you’re an unlikely flaming chap. But I guess if there are ice giants, there should be fire giants.
• Thor, you’ve been hanging out with Tony Snark too much.
• Oh, you shouldn’t have said that. Keep your special hat secret.
• We approve this music choice.
• Well, Asgard’s standards in gatekeepers have gone all to hell.
• …even by ontotech standards, Mjolnir is hax.
• Don’t think their standards in Viking-inspiring women are doing so well, either.
• Oh, Loki. Evidently you gave up completely on subtlety and subtlety-adjacent things when you kinged yourself.
• Awwww. But you two were so cute! And no Jane means no more Darcy, Best Intern Ever!
• Well, isn’t that… Strange.
• Implication: Asgard also has wizards. Of course, Earth also had wizards all along.
• Loki is having a really bad day.
• And Odin seems to be enjoying his retirement.
• Well, this introduction is going well.
• Mew-mew! Noooo!
• Hm. Bifrost is also a place. Interesting. And one you can be thrown out of mid-transit.
• Well, shit. We’ve seen those guys fight, and so… implications unpleasant.
• Is that… a planet-sized landfill? With wormholes dropping garbage out of the sky? But… but… (economists have meltdown)
• (I mean, I suppose it could be natural, but there had to be something better to use it for.)
• Guessing these folks got landfilled too, at some point.
• A very drunk Asgardian?
• Not bad “going through them” for someone that drunk. “Blowing through them”, one might say.
• And so passes the last of the Warriors Three. (Hm. I wonder where Sif is right now.)
• Ah. So, they have a sideline in slave gladiators. Delightful planet, this Sakaar.
• (Oh, right, where the paper people come from.)
• Of course Loki would turn up there.
• This one is laid back for a gladiator. Insert obligatory stoned pun here.
• One might think slaughtering the entirety of Asgard’s military forces would be something of a self-own for the new queen…
• (And this is why historical revisionism is problematic.)
• …oh. A giant army of the mostly dead. And giant wolf!
• (Awww, puppy.)
• The hammer is his… hammer. Yep. Just his hammer.
• Okay, so if there was this elite force of women warriors, what was that whole deal back in Thor about Sif being one?
• Tough crowd.
• Oh, that’s where you ended up.
• Not sure he likes that name.
• Like he said, god of thunder…
• …puny god of thunder. And Loki gloats, of course…
• …or not. Someone’s feeling their elemental associations today.
• Es. 10 says Heimdall is running the resista —
• — thank you.
• Evidently extended runtime is good for Hulk. And he’s got himself a life now.
• And a robust sense of humor. And, ooh, a statue.
• Ah, Heimdall has an exit. Guess when you can see everything in the universe, you pick up on all the back doors.
• Nice escape. Well, right up until the Quinjet got Hulked, and the Hulk got dehulked.
• Man, how bad must two years worth of Hulk-hangover be.
• “Melt-stick,” seriously?
• The Valkyrie rode pegasai. Okay, let’s revise the mythologae recreation list.
• “You’ve been on a planet before.” Heh.
• And soon it will be three.
• Well, except for Hulkfest Carnivale whatever-local-year-this-is.
• Worst impromptu name ever.
• The “Devil’s Anus”? Apt. And dreadfully entendric.
• You have a terrible job, Grand Master’s chief minion.
• That is a terrible strategy, but that’s a really nice ship.
• That, on the other hand, was a very nice strategy. If a mite dickish.
• …something about a black light…
• That would be a fairly odd thing to have a doctorate in.
• Maybe not a gun, but it’ll do.
• Awwww, puppy.
• One would think they’d have better methods of interrogation on Asgard, but maybe Hela gets her kicks this way.
• A very convenient wormhole, indeed.
• And Thor teaches us all how to do provoke and confront.
• DON’T SHOOT THE — well, okay, guess you have to.
• Well, that wasn’t the plan.
• Just you and your undead slaves, eh, Hela?
• Welp, Loki and an opportunity to be theatrical. Should’ve called it.
• Big-ass lightning bolts speak louder than words.
• This is the best fightin’ music ever.
• Alas, poor Fenris. You deserved a better mistress.
• (But, hell, no-one else even wounded the Hulk. Ever.)
• Even unavoidable sacrifices suck.
• And Skurge of Asgard, at the last, dies well.
• Bloody hell. He wasn’t kidding about being mountain-sized.
• The audience also hates this prophecy. Civilizations should not fall. That is literally the opposite of the proper course of events.
• Hulk is disappoint. Biggest challenge yet.
• Korg, your timing is just the worst.
• Well, won’t Earth be surprised to receive a sudden shipful of Asgardians? (Especially those Asatru whose worldview wasn’t already beaten all to hell in the last few years.)
• …assuming that leaves anyone alive, that is.
• And what’s about to couldn’t happen to a nicer planetary slavemaster.