Scientists Behaving Badly

From: Kóris Marukanin (Director of Surreal Research)
To: Irreality Vault (All Staff)
Subject: Inappropriate usage of cystal universes
Priority: Immediate
Security: IRREALITY INTERNAL SURREAL

I should like to begin by once again congratulating Reizei Chíra’s team on their successful creation of a syntropic cystal universe. While further experimentation has demonstrated the necessity for a great deal of additional work to combine syntropy with time’s arrow moving in its customary direction, the magnitude of this achievement cannot be overstated.

However, I must also take a moment to remind all staff that while the construction and maintenance of cystal universes is an innately expensive business, those of a syntropic cystal universe is even more so. If the work of our infrastructure department has escaped your notice thus far, please be advised that the routine operation of the Vault consumes quantities of antimatter perhaps best expressed in terms of moonlets.

This being the case, please cease forthwith and do not resume the practice of using experimental syntropic universes, of any volume, as a means to repair broken items. This is literally multiple orders of magnitude more costly, in terms both economic and cosmic, than the most ostentatious normal repair process imaginable.

I am a reasonable sophont. I will consider applications for syntropic repair of unique and irreplaceable historical artifacts or one-of-a-kind Precursor archaeology. I will even see if it is possible to work damaged items of great sentimental value to their possessors and which wouldn’t survive normal repair processes into the existing experimental schedule.

But even if it was your favorite esklav mug that you knocked off the console, and you know who you are, put down the irreality engine and just take it into town.

Kóris Marukanin
Director of Surreal Research