Cultural Crossovers #13: Captain America - Civil War

Here we go again, into – this time – a land of some controversy:

• Your codewords are pleasantly random, but the ISS would have picked a language that wasn’t theirs to use. Of course, Russian Hydra was probably trying to frame the rest of Russia.
• We do love paranoia jokes.
• The Falcon’s drone is adorable. So is the (later) fact that he named it.
• Angry man with a power fist.
• Moving things with your mind, eh, everyone does that. Molecular sorting with your mind, now that’s special.
• Grenade in your own still-manned vehicle? Ah, Hydra. An organization that somehow persists despite being most lethal to its own men and contractors.
• Aww, thank the drone. Machines need love too.
• Oops.
• That is some nifty sophotechnology.
• Also, Tony Stark continues to act like a plutarch, seeding the future. Looks like his relationship is not in good shape, though, which, shit.
• Yes, that was entirely Tony’s fault. Not like Ultron had, y’know, free will or anything, even if his creation was, charitably, a Very Bad Idea.
• Okay, is everyone on this planet stupid? The only person who can reasonably be held responsible for those deaths was the guy who set off the bomb vest; the only legitimate criticism of the Scarlet Witch is that she didn’t save as many people as she could theoretically have saved in the optimal case – despite saving the crowded marketplace – and the only one in a position to expect perfection is a god.
• Someone give that girl a hug, an explanation of the above, and arrange some more training scenarios.
• And seriously, has no-one heard of collateral budgets? Because the alternative scenario here has Hydra walking away with a bioweapon, which I’m sure would end with hugs and bunnies.
• Basically, RATIONALITY TRAINING FOR THE EARTHLINGS, PLEASE.
• Hey, you didn’t say “through the door”.
• Oh, god, it’s you. This will go well.
• Ah, yes, here come the control freaks trying to use this to seize authority they haven’t earned. Rather the opposite, in fact.
• Well, we’d call ’em “awesome adventurers”.
• The only thing worse than trying to guilt people with pictures of them saving millions of lives is that they actually buy into this bullshit.
• Do you seriously think you have any jurisdiction over Thor?
• Correlation, causation, and also how is oversight supposed to prevent challenges? Especially when for a lot of that time they had oversight, and look how that worked out.
• Oh, Tony, what the hell happened to you? You used to get it. Now you want to hand over control to the same people you once flipped off in Congress? So you fucked up once; unstir your damn brains. And do whatever you have to do to get Pepper back, for the love of hats. She betters you.
• Yes, it’s the UN. A different, bigger collective-irresponsibility organization. Responsibility is always personal. Also, how many of those 117 delegations do you think might be, in the light of past history, Hydra-influenced?
• And Agent Carter delivers Best Quotation posthumously: “Compromise where you can. Where you can’t, don’t. Even if everyone is telling you that something wrong is something right. Even if the whole world is telling you to move, it is your duty to plant yourself like a tree, look them in the eye, and say, ‘No, *you* move’.” Now there’s something worthy of a standing ovation.
• Captain America: still the best followee.
• So: back under control or a fake?
• You really didn’t agree with your father about the accords, huh?
• And the first thing the new boss does is issue a kill-on-sight order for someone known to have been involuntarily brainwashed. Nice ethics, there.
• Guess it was a fake, if Zemo is still learning to pronounce the command codewords.
• And they’re also making the same mistakes as Hydra, like sending a bunch of mooks after the guy who they ought to know is capable of kicking all their asses.
• Still make a pretty good team, huh?
• Oh, look. New player. With shiny new claws.
• Well, that’s one way to requisition a car.
• In the next week, local clinics will be full of people who tried mounting skimmers the way Bucky just mounted a motorcycle. (A week after that, the microskillware goes on sale.)
• “You’re a criminal.” “…and a good man.” At least if anyone imported Pirates of the Caribbean, too.
• So, maybe the answer is synthetic amygdalas all around.
• Oh, so you’re the smiley jailer? Cute.
• Again, T’Challa, brainwashed.
• Ah, yes, “due process”. We have dismissed that claim. You’re a Ross, all right.
• Ah, this is a bifurcated-qalasír tragedy after all. The mistakes love helps us make…
• That’d be a pinch, and your vetting procedures suck.
• A wristwatch repulsor. Nice.
• Is that… Howard Stark’s attempt to recreate the super-soldier serum? Shit, Hydra are lucky they didn’t end up with a whole pile of Crimson Crania. Or Hulks, funny as that might be.
• The mantle of “government stooge” fits you poorly, Tony. Especially for that jackass.
• Everyone’s doing insect themes these days.
• Secret identities; still less than explicable. Also, curious view of responsibility, but the urge underneath kinda-sorta translates.
• Thanks, Clint. Haven’t heard many people make that much sense today.
• And, Vision, seriously. You haven’t figured out doors, but you’re entirely clear on emotional manipulation?
• We very much like Agent Carter Jr.
• Yep, there’s the other insect dude. And, man, this is the whole collection of people who do the right thing in the technically wrong way for unapproved reasons.
• Brainwashed, dammit, does no-one remember that?
• Right there with you, Spider-Man. And why not have a chat during a fight? Just don’t get distracted.
• You know, those cars belong to someone. I mean, a certain amount of collateral damage, sure, but still.
• Yes, please read the hazard markings before throwing things.
• Oh, yes, the collective good. The favorite excuse of everyone wanting to do the individual bad. Damn utilitarians.
• Uh, he ran because you were trying to kill him, maybe?
• The only way for an ant to fly!
• We’re with Spider-Man on the holy shit quotient of that one.
• (We’re not even asking how badly that screws physics.)
• Yes, Vision, a catastrophe you helped induce by your actions to prevent a catastrophe. Please consider this a learning experience.
• And does anyone on the planet except Cap understand what brainwashing is? And that the person who undergoes it is also a victim of one of the worst crimes possible? Someone who is by definition not culpable? Someone you help?
• And it’s a big submerged gulag for the Avengers. The audience is pretty damn sure Ross has been pleasuring himself nightly to the thought of this place ever since we first met him back in The Incredible Hulk. Nice choice of people to align with, Tony. Seriously.
• Well, ain’t that interesting. But then, we figured personal revenge was on the menu as soon as we heard “Sokovian”.
• Oh, gods, the sheer exquisite cruelty of it. Zemo, you bastard. For all the ethics of it, hearts in the audience are bleeding for Tony right now. Well, for everyone, really, but…
• …and even for Zemo.
• The humanity of Earth’s justice continues to impress. Just kill the poor bastard. He’s already lost everything but his life; torturing him subsequently is in even poorer taste than usual.
• Nicely done, Cap, both the rescue and the reaching out. Also, graciously done, T’Challa, for forgoing revenge in favor of helping another victim, even if belatedly.

So, from the Imperial perspective, a magnificent movie. But gods’ teeth, what a tragedy, and while there is no question as to which side the audience will come down on, the sympathy is felt all around.

(And the audience is culturally primed to expect the Subsequent Triumph, and the Redemptive Actions of Tony Stark. It will not be happy if it doesn’t get ’em.)