True Tales of the Worlds: Recently selected as the Least Truthful Newsbytes for the 69th year in succession, True Tales of the Worlds is the Associated Worlds’ longest-running comedic-speculation journal, memetic experiment, and/or example of untreated delusions. Having recently turned 4,000, we present here a selection of recent headlines, all of which, we feel, live up to the standard set by the front-page story of their first ever issue, “Holy Shit, Planets Actually Spherical”.
- Alleged Leytra Star Just a Blue-White Hallucination
- Three-Ended Wormhole Discovered: Duplicates Expedition
- Dropped Comet Made of Cheese: Colonists Surprised, But Surprisingly Delicious
- Every Star Nation Secretly Ruled by Lizard People (Except the Empire of the Lizard People)
- Empire of the Lizard People Secretly Ruled by Different Lizard People
- Transportation Cartel Cover-Up – Galaxy Only Twelve Million Miles Across!
- Many-Colored Shooting Stars Expected After Explosion of Candy Freighter
- Universe Not Hollow, Claims Scientist, And We Live On The Outside
- Giant Space Yeast Found In Beer Nebula
- Giant Space Yeast More Awesome Than Giant Space Amoeba, Scientists Agree
- Panspermia: Space Currents or Self-Pleasuring Deity? Very-Large-Baseline Images You Won’t Believe!
- Conclave Votes To Raise Luminal Limit
- Let My People Go, Ring Dynamics!: Interview With a Giant Space Worm
- Lord Blackfall Converting Sun To Private Hyperyacht, Threatens ‘Global Warming’
- Precursor Artifact Found in Public ‘Fresher: Scientists Now Searching For ‘Hyperspace Poop Moon’
- Sen Shari Demands Hope Hegemony Dye ‘Eyesore’ Nebula
- League Treasury Buys Three-Ended Wormhole, Pays Half Price
- Plans to Soft-Land Moon of Sedria in Original Location Move Forward, Citing Benefits to Science, Tourism
- Vordon’s Empty: “Detuned Heterodynes” Hire All The Mercenaries As Roadies For Upcoming Galactic Tour
- Eye-of-Night Spontaneously Emits Mint ’53 Atomo: Science Team Takes Rocket Ride
- Mermaids Make First Contact, Protest Moon-Landing Plans
- Eels! Why?
If you are currently asking yourself why, consider the True Tales‘ never-changed masthead:
“The Truth Shall Enrich”
– A Star Travelers’ Dictionary
So the Onion. Who are the runner ups for “Least Truthful Newsbytes”?