“If we live not another day
Say this over our pyre
That we died like Legion hainadar
With our faces to the fire.
“But once we live tomorrow
In a body free of pain
Then bring us ale and whiskey
Until we die again!”
– regimental song of the 22nd “Alatian Highlanders” Legion
In which there is an apocalypse.
- Man, that’s a lot of chains.
- Well, you’re an unlikely flaming chap. But I guess if there are ice giants, there should be fire giants.
- Thor, you’ve been hanging out with Tony Snark too much.
- Oh, you shouldn’t have said that. Keep your special hat secret.
- We approve this music choice.
- Well, Asgard’s standards in gatekeepers have gone all to hell.
- …even by ontotech standards, Mjolnir is hax.
- Don’t think their standards in Viking-inspiring women are doing so well, either.
- Oh, Loki. Evidently you gave up completely on subtlety and subtlety-adjacent things when you kinged yourself.
- Awwww. But you two were so cute! And no Jane means no more Darcy, Best Intern Ever!
- Well, isn’t that… Strange.
- Implication: Asgard also has wizards. Of course, Earth also had wizards all along.
- Loki is having a really bad day.
- And Odin seems to be enjoying his retirement.
- Well, this introduction is going well.
- Mew-mew! Noooo!
- Hm. Bifrost is also a place. Interesting. And one you can be thrown out of mid-transit.
- Well, shit. We’ve seen those guys fight, and so… implications unpleasant.
- Is that… a planet-sized landfill? With wormholes dropping garbage out of the sky? But… but… (economists have meltdown)
- (I mean, I suppose it could be natural, but there had to be something better to use it for.)
- Guessing these folks got landfilled too, at some point.
- A very drunk Asgardian?
- Not bad “going through them” for someone that drunk. “Blowing through them”, one might say.
- And so passes the last of the Warriors Three. (Hm. I wonder where Sif is right now.)
- Ah. So, they have a sideline in slave gladiators. Delightful planet, this Sakaar.
- (Oh, right, where the paper people come from.)
- Of course Loki would turn up there.
- This one is laid back for a gladiator. Insert obligatory stoned pun here.
- One might think slaughtering the entirety of Asgard’s military forces would be something of a self-own for the new queen…
- (And this is why historical revisionism is problematic.)
- …oh. A giant army of the mostly dead. And giant wolf!
- (Awww, puppy.)
- The hammer is his… hammer. Yep. Just his hammer.
- Okay, so if there was this elite force of women warriors, what was that whole deal back in Thor about Sif being one?
- Tough crowd.
- Oh, that’s where you ended up.
- Not sure he likes that name.
- Like he said, god of thunder…
- …puny god of thunder. And Loki gloats, of course…
- …or not. Someone’s feeling their elemental associations today.
- Es. 10 says Heimdall is running the resista —
- — thank you.
- Evidently extended runtime is good for Hulk. And he’s got himself a life now.
- And a robust sense of humor. And, ooh, a statue.
- Ah, Heimdall has an exit. Guess when you can see everything in the universe, you pick up on all the back doors.
- Nice escape. Well, right up until the Quinjet got Hulked, and the Hulk got dehulked.
- Man, how bad must two years worth of Hulk-hangover be.
- “Melt-stick,” seriously?
- The Valkyrie rode pegasai. Okay, let’s revise the mythologae recreation list.
- “You’ve been on a planet before.” Heh.
- And soon it will be three.
- Well, except for Hulkfest Carnivale whatever-local-year-this-is.
- Worst impromptu name ever.
- The “Devil’s Anus”? Apt. And dreadfully entendric.
- You have a terrible job, Grand Master’s chief minion.
- That is a terrible strategy, but that’s a really nice ship.
- That, on the other hand, was a very nice strategy. If a mite dickish.
- …something about a black light…
- That would be a fairly odd thing to have a doctorate in.
- Maybe not a gun, but it’ll do.
- Awwww, puppy.
- One would think they’d have better methods of interrogation on Asgard, but maybe Hela gets her kicks this way.
- A very convenient wormhole, indeed.
- And Thor teaches us all how to do provoke and confront.
- DON’T SHOOT THE — well, okay, guess you have to.
- Well, that wasn’t the plan.
- Just you and your undead slaves, eh, Hela?
- Welp, Loki and an opportunity to be theatrical. Should’ve called it.
- Big-ass lightning bolts speak louder than words.
- This is the best fightin’ music ever.
- Alas, poor Fenris. You deserved a better mistress.
- (But, hell, no-one else even wounded the Hulk. Ever.)
- Even unavoidable sacrifices suck.
- And Skurge of Asgard, at the last, dies well.
- Bloody hell. He wasn’t kidding about being mountain-sized.
- The audience also hates this prophecy. Civilizations should not fall. That is literally the opposite of the proper course of events.
- Hulk is disappoint. Biggest challenge yet.
- Korg, your timing is just the worst.
- Well, won’t Earth be surprised to receive a sudden shipful of Asgardians? (Especially those Asatru whose worldview wasn’t already beaten all to hell in the last few years.)
- …assuming that leaves anyone alive, that is.
- And what’s about to couldn’t happen to a nicer planetary slavemaster.