As recorded by Talentar Deep Space Tracking.
: Hey, I just fell off the starship. Send lawyers, rescue ships, and oxygen.
: No, seriously.
: Because I had my terminal, not whatever fancy radio you think I have. And because I had your address. And because all the other functions on it say ‘insufficient bandwidth’.
: Is this really the time to discuss bandwidth allocation priorities in the outer system?
: Look, just call space traffic control and tell them they’ve got a soph overboard.
: Okay, what do they want to know?
: My position? I’m in space, gods-dammit. I didn’t bring a bloody sextant with me when I fell off the ship.
: They’re the ones with the radio telescopes.
: Oh, for the – the Monarch Absent. Private yacht. 28 minutes ago.
: Plenty. This survival mask says it can recycle for days. And no, I’m not injured.
: Have you called my lawyer yet?
: Well, here I am.
: Space is really big.
: Really very, very, very big.
: And empty. And dark. Big and empty and dark.
: Everyone tells you that it’s big and empty and dark, but until you tr-
: Well, pardon me, but it’s bloody boring out here.
: Send e-books, please. Also – any sign of that lawyer?
: I don’t know, write a macro, maybe?
: It’s probably easier to figure out for the one of us not floating in space.
: HOW LONG!?