Overheard at the Classified Item Destruction Facility, Palaxias (Imperial Core):

“I’m telling you, they’re just not taking our job seriously. Look at this thing – it’s a Sera Esklav, for the love of — It makes hot drinks! How is that ‘containing information prejudicial to Imperial security, access codes to secure command systems, or inherently dangerous components’? It’s a complete waste of our resources, unless they’re using orbital grasers to warm mugs these days –“

“It was sent to us from Pyrethrin Nebula. Admiral Sargas’s flagship?”

“Then what blistering cretin let it be sent downside? Close the blast doors! Enact full artifact-grade containment protocols, and get a UXB team in here, stat!”

10 thoughts on ““Seriously”

  1. More like, that esklav-maker contain’s the Admiral’s favorite brew recipe, and so anyone with access to it could use that information to make Admiral Sargas happy enough to NOT blow things up.

    Or worse, tamper with the recipe and make the Admiral UNhappy enough to blow everything up.

    As an old Sailor who was the junior-most guy on squadron staff by a couple paygrades, keeping the boss happily caffeinated is a life-saving skill!

  2. The interesting question is of course, what is it that the “Classified Item Destruction Facility” could do that a presumably fairly puissant warship could not? And relatedly, what sort of thing need that sort of special treatment?

    (and should the facility get its own tag?)

    • Sadly, the answer is very boring.

      A paper trail, properly confirming the effective decommissioning of classified item #4137-290-813452.

      (All space cruisers run on deuterium, but all space navies run on e-paperwork.)

      • “(All space cruisers run on deuterium, but all space navies run on e-paperwork.)”

        All too true.

        My running joke was that my submarine had a nuclear reactor onboard to power the coffee pots (which powered the crew) and the printers/photocopiers (which powered the Navy).

        Also, the Chief’s Quarters coffee pot was on the ‘Vital Power’ bus, while the Officer’s Wardroom coffee pot was on ‘Nonvital Power’. One captain suspected that there was an old Chief on the design team because of that.

        • Just recognition that if the Chiefs, and especially the COB run out of coffee, Bad Things might happen.

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